Chamas are evolving groups. Members come and go and sometimes we need to add on new members to fill the gap. All the members join hands and go out and recruit new members to join the chama. Now, the chama is full again and you are ready to move. But, alas you discover that your friend brought in someone that you can’t stand. You don’t like her at all and everything about her irritates you. You may be tempted to gang up with your friends against her forming a clique in a bid to isolate her, but that’s not such as a good thing. You may not like her but she may be good for the chama. Remember, you can’t like everyone one and it doesn’t mean the chama can’t succeed. You can get along if you learn how to get the most of the situation. Here’s how.
It’s not a bad thing
You may not like her lousy jokes but not liking your fellow chama member might not be the worst thing. The chama members you like are probably your friends or those who act nice, don’t deliver bad news, and flatter you. But it’s often those who provoke or challenge that prompt new insights in the chama and help propel it to success. You need people who have different points of view and aren’t afraid to argue. These are the kind of people who stop the chama from doing stupid things.
Look on the brighter side
Nobody is all bad. Yet it’s easy to see the best in the chama members who are friends and the worst in those you don’t like. Make an effort to find something positive in someone you don’t like and this will help you be more balanced. Search for what you like about the person.
Put on a good face
Everyone wants to be liked. Whatever your feelings for your fellow chama member, she will be highly attuned to your attitude and will presume that any disapproval or distaste has to do with rejection and she may feel that she is not wanted in the chama and pull out. Thus though you don’t like someone in your chama, try not to show it. Remain fair, impartial and composed. Cultivate a diplomatic face and try to come across as cordial and friendly.
Spend more time together
This might sound like the last thing you want to hear, but it might help to give yourself ore exposure to this member. Sometimes strong medicine is the more effective cure. You will find that doing something difficult together tends to build affinity. For instance you can volunteer to help her out with the minutes if she is the secretary. Or if she’s the treasurer you can offer to accompany her to the bank to deposit the chama cash. You will find the more time you spend with someone the more you get to know them and in the process like them.
Look at yourself
A chama meeting can seem very long if you’re sitting next to someone you don’t like. It’s crucial to learn how to handle your frustration. Rather than thinking about how irritating the person is, focus on why you are reacting the way you are. “If the problem the person or someone they remind me of? Am I afraid of being like this person? Am I jealous of this person?
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